Why You’re So Screwed Up

Why You’re So Screwed Up

Before you hire a therapist or coach, consider the following.

There could be subtle questions in the back of your mind.

Am I crazy? 

Do other people feel this way? 

Why am I so screwed up? 

What am I going to do? 

How do I keep on living like this? 

Why me? 

And so on.

To spare you the ongoing inner drama, here are the answers:

Are you crazy?


Do other people feel the way you do? 


Why are you so screwed up?

You’re no more screwed up than anyone else. The only issue is that you think you are because you have no idea what goes on in the privacy of other people’s mind.

What are you going to do?

I don’t know. You have choices though. You can continue suffering in a private hell. Or you can begin to live a personal growth oriented lifestyle in which you make progress and heal, bit by bit.

How will you keep on living like this? 

Again, two options: You can keep going as you have been until you die. Or,  you can begin to heal, bit by bit. Everyone needs to heal. Not everyone engages in the process.

Why you?

There’s no such thing. It’s not you. It’s everyone. We’re all in this together, even though most people will never admit they feel as screwed up as they do.

Can you really heal bit by bit?

If you’re going to heal, this is the only way. There’s no given that you’re going to do any healing. Healing is a process that involves both time and skill. Most of us are taught any healing skills, so we need to find them on our own. Many healing modalities are out there, but which one is right for you and when? I don’t know. This is why a personal growth oriented lifestyle is in order. You’ve got to experiment, keep going, and experiment some more.

Can you imagine if all the healing claims made by promoters of various modalities were consistently true? The world would be healed. It’s not. You’re not, and that’s ok. Keep doing your work, bit by bit!

Are you so screwed up?

Probably. And so am I. You and me, we’re not special. We’re a bit crazy on the inside and sometimes even on the outside. And so is everyone. Our condition is nothing special. And that’s the paradox. When being a bit nutso is nothing special, we can get on with the business of healing.

We could even say you’re so screwed up because you believe you are. As soon as you realize you’re no different than anyone else who needs to heal (i.e. everyone) then you must know that you’re not only not screwed up, but quite normal.

Imagine sitting in the room with a group of people – friends or strangers, it doesn’t matter. If everyone spilled their guts and told the truth about their inner life, you’d all feel so normal you wouldn’t know what to do. At first, you’d feel so relieved. Then, you’d have to deal with the reality that you’re not so special after all.


Doing Therapy Homework Between Sessions

One of the issues I have is following up and doing exercises that we discussed.

So far I think it was the following:

1. focusing on where the tension is and watching it move down/away
2. realizing/accepting that doing 1 above is not important for me
3. doing written exercise with all criticisms I tell myself
4. imagining being the guy who is nice and relaxed in restaurant

I have not done #3 in 10 days and even though #4 is pretty helpful I barely do it.
So one of the issues is how do I get myself to do these exercises more?
It’s been 2 weeks since the last session and only right now I’m rereading the notes i made 2 weeks ago.

Another is going back to above about anxiety. My last day on vacation i was having one anxiety after another just thinking about coming back and having to deal with all the stuff i had left behind.

afraid of what happens next
if I get better then what?
I don’t have to move out or get married if I am not functioning well
I wouldn’t have an excuse or something external to blame
my own decision to move out or get married  – or not
if you had to make your own decision?
fear of extra responsibilities and commitment
up to me is scary
good + bad and do it all over tomorrow